i never did any sports in high school.
saying that today often surprises people close to me, since i now exercise pretty much daily, either lifting or running.
in high school, spending time on the computer, on the guitar, and in books always came more naturally to me than pushing my body. i never really did anything athletic in high school, although i did try to start the habit of running one summer after binging a bunch of casey neistat vlogs . at the time, the most i ever ran was probably 3 miles (a loop around this river near where i lived in taiwan). beyond that, my sides would hurt, and i would be out of breath. summer in taiwan is like 100f with maximum humidity. i gave up after that.
when i entered college, i started lifting because that’s what all my friends did. it definitely didn’t come naturally to me, but i found the ritual to be quite meditative and the progress to be addicting, similar to the mmo maplestory i used to play growing up. progress in the gym was slow, but i kept up the habit and never missed a single day for 4 years going at least 5x/week. i became obsessed in the same way i often do with everything i pursue.
the only two times i broke my lifting streak when one, when i studied abroad in japan and there was only 1 gym in the countryside, separated by a 35 minute walk, with limited hours. i only went once a week. and two, when there was a global lockdown.
in the past few years, i’ve continued to hit the gym consistently, but the spark and obsession that i had in the beginning and the rush of making quick progress is now gone. it feels as if i’m just going through the motions, doing it because i have to and not because it’s inherently enjoyable anymore. and so i’ve been looking for something new where i can push myself physically.
the first thing i tried was jiu-jitsu. i signed up after my 25th birthday. i had always listened to the podcasts of joe rogan, lex fridman, and so it was always in the back of mind to one day go and try this sport out. “high level chess with dire physical consequences”, joe would often say on his podcast.
jiu-jitsu was super fun and highly addictive, but i quickly found myself going from one injury to the next. when you roll with another person, every move is highly unpredictable (at least to a beginner like me), which in turn makes the sport fun, but it also makes it dangerous. stories of people getting paralyzed or sustaining lifelong injuries are not unheard of in this sport. when i first signed up, i asked the instructor about injury rates and he assured me it was one of the safest combat sports, but at the same time, he was often in and out of class getting shots for his herniated back after decades of rolling on the mat.
one day when i was rolling with a partner, i slightly dislocated my shoulder as i was flipped using my joint as the point of leverage (this is how most moves work, and so your joints often sustain injuries). i couldn’t move my arm without pain for the next several months, and i decided to stop going. it took me another 6 months to get back to “normal”, but even after a year since i’m not sure if it is exactly the same as it was before. i now understood what joe rogan meant by “dire physical consequences”.
time to find a different sport.
so earlier this year, i decided to try my hand at running (or feet rather). something sparked my interest in it again - something i never really considered doing consistently since i was in high school. but compared to the ritual and mental burden of lifting, running seemed so simple, so clean. you didn’t need any special gear, you didn’t need a gym, you don’t even need a workout plan. you just start running, and you don’t stop.
in the beginning, my first goal was just to run every day. i didn’t really care how far i went, or how fast i went, just the fact that i put on my running shoes, and ran. i documented it on instagram daily, which somehow helped with accountability even though nobody was really watching, and the first 30 days of the year went by quickly. some days i ran 3 miles, some days i ran 0.3 miles. one day i ran 8 miles, which was the most i had ever ran in my entire life.
i wondered why some days the same path would feel like maximum difficulty and on other days, i would have to grind through it, mile by mile, and on other days, the same path would feel incredibly easy, even at a faster pace.
after about 30 days, my friend who also started running this year suggested we sign up for a half marathon. that sounded insane to me, like even the words put together in a sentence. i never saw myself as a runner, and even after 30 days, i didn’t really consider myself a “runner”, just someone who happened to be running every day. i didn’t know what i was doing, didn’t have any special shoes or training program, and could barely run without stopping.
i decided fuck it, worse that could happen was we would walk it out, and we signed up.
there’s something about a deadline that really lights a spark behind you. i first felt this when i signed up for the jlpt n1 when i was studying japanese. the jlpt n1 is the highest level proficiency exam for japanese learners, and i decided to sign up for it to create a deadline for me to study harder. it worked - i passed it a year later.
the same thing happened this time, i started to take my training more seriously (which was really just trying to run for longer without stopping). i read through articles and watched videos on youtube. i realized that the amount of carbs i ate the day before, or even directly before the run had a huge impact on my performance. this was why sometimes the same run felt 10x easier.
at this point, i was comfortable running at a 10min pace, and that was my goal for the half marathon. 2 days before the half marathon i went to a korean bbq place and inhaled 7 bowls of rice. something called carb-loading which i learned about probably 1 week before the race.
the day of i had mixed feelings about how it would go. i couldn’t sleep enough since it was super early in the morning, and i didn’t know how big this type of thing would be. but when me and my friend showed up, the whole thing seemed super laid back and “unofficial”, which made me feel relaxed about the whole thing. there was just 1 booth, a 4 mile track laid out in chalk by the beach, and then a few volunteers who were noting down peoples times. prior to this, the most i’ve ever ran was still 8 miles, and now i had to do just over 13 miles.
somehow, it actually went pretty well. in the past month or so, i had never run with anyone else, and now that i was actually running with my friend and in a small group, psychologically it felt pretty “easy”. physically, it was torture because it by the beach with zero shade, directly under the sun, but 2 hours later, i finished. the only goal i had was to never walk, and i succeeded. i felt euphoric when i finished, probably what they call “runner’s high”. i remember i couldn’t stop smiling and was excited to go and get food afterwards.
after that, my friend and i fantasized over running a full marathon, which still seemed absolutely impossible. like we just ran for 2 hours straight, we would need to do double the distance for a full marathon. and we had only been training for like 2 months at this point, and we we weren’t exactly in peak physical shape either. we decided to just think about it and plan it for sometime in the future. when i went home, i looked up the tokyo marathon and it seemed so cool. being able to run through the streets of my favorite city on a designated path with no cars, at some point, i knew i had to do it. every time i feel that way, i just have to achieve the goal i set out for myself. one summer i thought it would be cool if one day i could speak japanese - then i did it. it was the same with other things, and so i knew i could do this too.
about a week later, we looked up whether or not it would be possible to sign up for the tokyo marathon, but it looked like we actually had to qualify for it. oh well, probably a good idea to wait until i’m an actual runner to run that one. we found a few marathons for later that year, and we debated which ones to sign up for, when my friend suggested we sign up for this next one which was 2 months later.
i thought that was insane, running a marathon with only 5 months of experience, where 6 months ago i could barely run 3 miles without stopping, so i said let’s keep looking. but the next day when i woke up, i realized that it was now or never, and went through the same thought loop that i did with the half, and said fuck it, let’s sign up for this one in may.
except for the fact that my feet started hurting in april and i stopped running for a month straight, the only thing i did differently about my training this time was i tried to run for longer (still not optimizing for speed at all). now my personal record was 13 miles (the half marathon), and so i decided to go for 15-18 miles. i failed at 18, but i did 15 with no problem. i figured maybe there would be a similar effect with the full marathon, where the adrenaline of the day and the other people around me could probably push me another 5-10 miles.
about a week before the full marathon, i learned about something called gels. (probably should have been doing more research, but i was just focused on running every day). apparently a lot of marathoners (not all), carry around these packets of gel which are essentially just sugars that they consume during their run to prevent cramping and to give them more energy. i bought a bunch of them and decided to run with them.
like the half, 2 days before the marathon i inhaled another 7 bowls of rice. and then literally the day before, i was looking it up on google in a hotel room how to actually best use the gels, which said that i should ingest them every 45 minutes or so, so that was the plan.
on race day, i quickly saw this was totally different than the half marathon that i did. there must have been thousands of people, with lots of booths, stations, and volunteers. there was an official start line, corals, and even pacers who held up signs so you knew how fast you were going. i felt the adrenaline and nervousness as my friend and i lined up for the race. 7:30 start time. then boom, we were running.
i remember saying to him “damn, we’re actually doing this, we are doing a marathon right now.” it was insane that i went from someone who could barely run 3 miles without getting out of breath, to someone now participating in a full-ass marathon. here’s how it went down
0-5 miles
- i had to pee before we started, but the line was way too long so i couldn’t make it.
- this was the max adrenaline and excitement as everyone ran together in a group
- at the 5 mile market i went behind a bush and peed there
5-8 miles
- still was going strong, ingested 2 gel packets at this point
- realize that there are a fuckton of hills on this race and it was tiring out my legs
- we decided to pace at around 10min/mile and the goal was just to maintain that for the whole race.
8-10 miles
- started to get more fatigued, luckily there was no sun that day, but it was super cold
- could barely feel my fingers and feel weird nerve tinglings. not sure if i was lacking bloodflow to my fingers or because it was too cold
10-13 miles
- getting quite difficult psychologically
- my friend and i looked at each other saying “fuck”
- see my girlfriend at one of my checkpoint supporting which kept me going
- we pass the half marathon point - 3 minutes slower than the half marathon we did.
13-17 miles
- start to go way slower but did not stop running
- we almost feel like walking or giving up
- my friend needs to take a break, but tells me to keep going
18-22 miles
- no idea where my friend is, i’m on my own now
- bump music louder
- try to forget that i’m running, everything just becomes a repetitive motion.
23-24 miles
- some serious chafing going on around my armpits; realize that’s why the older runners were holding their arms out so much like chicken
- heart rate peaking, need to slow myself down a bit
- the high school volunteers stop handing me water when i pass them and they’re just chatting in a group; guess they think the marathon is over now
25-26.2 miles
- start to sprint; somehow gain a fuckton of energy towards the end
- went from 10min/mi pace to like sub 7 min pace for mile 25
- pass maybe 80 people who are just walking and are so close to the finish line
26.2 miles
- finish…
still can’t believe i finished running a full marathon really. i could barely walk right after, but it was so satisfying to have completed the marathon, at exactly the pace that i aimed for for my first marathon. i didn’t feel the runner’s high like i did at the end, i probably felt it somewhere in the middle before it just started to turn into torture.
there’s something about running long distances that teaches you things about yourself. it’s a meditative practice and you can easily drop into a state of flow. once you are in sync, with your breathing, with your pace, with your form, you forget that you’re running. it’s as if you are not even really there, there just is a runner, and the environment - you are simply an observer.
in the beginning, it takes discipline to run every day. it takes willpower to put your shoes on and go outside even if its hot, even if you don’t want to run. but once you feel that sense of flow, you start to get addicted to it, you look forward to running because anything you’re worrying about disappears, and running becomes a creative pursuit. i mean, you are literally running towards a better you, moving on from the past, and perpetually in motion.
running changed my life because it’s given me a tool. through it, i saw how discipline turns into habit, and how the habit creates the illusion of discipline to other people. i saw how running is one of the fastest ways to change your state of mind from a biological and mental stand point. your brain waves change when you are running and your heart is pumping. your state of mind changes when you finish your run and endorphins flow through your body. it’s one of the most minimal sports - you can do it anywhere, all you need are a pair of shoes.
i can probably call myself a runner at this point. or maybe only after i run the tokyo marathon. all i know is i’m gonna keep running.